The Wonderful Role of a Mother

Dear Mom,

As you know, my cookbook shelf is full of books by the Barefoot Contessa, Nigella, Martha Stewart, Julia Child, Lidia among others. And quite frankly, I can never just stop buying new cookbooks. It's like Jesus would have to tell me He is coming back tomorrow for me to stop buying new cookbooks. However, the impressive number of cookbooks has not improved my cooking over the last 20 years of this passion for fine cooking.

Although you were a European Pastry Chef and baked for many fine restaurants years ago, I did not have any desire to bake, or even cook fine food as a child. Perhaps it was because everything you made was always made from scratch and I preferred peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread. I was fascinated with Eggo Waffles from the freezer section of the grocery market, because somehow there, I would not have to wait. I could pop it in, slather it with margarine, and pour that wonderful artificial syrup all over the little thing.

But then, I went away to college and all I was surrounded with was junk food. You were not there to cook any longer. Pizza at midnight, buffalo wings slathered with spicy sauce and enough blue cheese to cover New York, and well you know what came next? Twenty pounds! At age 21 I realized that instant gratification was not what it was cracked up to be. Perhaps you had given me something I should perhaps go back to and take a second look at.

As the late night snacks and junk food were eliminated, the pounds began to melt off . Late night snacks were replaced with coffee with my friends and browsing at coffee table books for our studio apartments. It was during this time that God was working to change my attitude of "I want it now" to "Lord, show me your will and help me to be patient as You work it out in my life." You see, the fast food, get it now mentality was beginning to be replaced with appreciation for good things come for those who wait ideology - sorry it took me so long to get this.

So you may be wondering about the fetish for cookbooks? Do you remember giving me 'The Way to Cook', by Julia Child? I took it out of a box as I was moving to a new apartment in Brooklyn when I was about 22. I had forgotten that you had given it to me as a fifteen year old for Christmas one year. Here it was on my coffee table - there for only the photographs, but soon it would stir within me a passion to nurture and serve others with food. I don't think you knew this because I no longer lived at home, but I began to buy a new one every year, sometimes more than one. From there I began to see that one of my gifts was hospitality - serving others, and eventually cooking for my husband and family.

And God has used cooking to not only serve others, but to reach other women when there may have been nothing else in common, and to love someone when words were not enough. The time involved in preparing a meal have been some of the best times for our family. They cut and prepare with me as we talk. Many a hurt has been shared as I have cooked and listened and they have opened their hearts. My husband and I have had great times cooking together.

I just wanted you to know that I appreciate what you gave me - what you continue to give me. I love you.

Thank you Mom. Love, Carolina

My Tribute

After some thoughts, I decided to dedicate this blog entry to my husband Jay. There are so many thanks I owe him in the 10 years I've known him, and I know that I haven't appreciated him as much as he deserves. Sometimes we feel that way as a wife and a mother, not being appreciated enough for what we do as we take care of our home. But I seldom think that men need the same emotional support as we do since they don't really show the need. But deep down, they do crave that kind of support especially from us wives.

I love watching how my husband interact with our kids. He's so involved in their lives, and this means a world to me as I come from a broken home at the age of 5, and never saw my Dad to this day. This, of course made me quite skeptical of men and marriage and try to distance myself as much as possible. (I can't go into how I got to this point of my life- being married with 4th child on the way since it's way too long), but being married to a man who takes God and His Word seriously in his life really changed all that. And in moments such as watching him playing tea party our girls (please don't tell him I wrote this on the blog), and playing baseball with our son has brought such healing in my life. Just as he's a great father, he's been a great husband as well. He's been cooking breakfast and doing the dinner dishes everyday on top of million things he does at work, ever since I was pregnant and this means a world to me right now. This made me realize how much of a pillar he is in our family, and his presence matters.

At our MOPS meeting few weeks ago, we talked a little about marriage and our husbands, and how easy it gets for us to neglect them because we get so tired and exhausted from doing our job as a mom. I can tell you, by the time I put the kids to bed, I'm too tired to do anything. But I remember someone mentioning, we ought to show our appreciation for what they do, even if you FEEL like they don't do anything. Even saying thanks for providing for the family means a lot to our husbands especially because it's what God has designed them to be- the breadwinner. Let me tell you, my husband nearly had a heart attack when I thanked him for working so hard to provide for us and so that I can stay home as well. I just had no idea, how touched he would be by a few words that came from my heart.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and usually, if we do something to celebrate, I've always expected him to do something to treat me well :P But this time around, I think I should repay him for all his efforts to make me happy.

Freedom Within the Boundaries

One of my daughter's favorite Christmas presents is the play kitchen she received from her grandparents. The unit includes a stove top, oven, sink, microwave, refrigerator, phone, drawers and cabinets. Of course Nana also bought pots and pans, cups, plates, bowls, pitchers, glasses, silverware, cooking utensils and a hot pad - as well as plastic fruit, bread, meat, eggs, veggies, pizza, chips, dessert, canned goods, dry goods and anything else you could need for a well stocked kitchen!

My daughter and her cousins loved cooking for all the relatives who were at her grandparents for the holidays. Soon we were finding plastic forks, hamburgers and chips under our feet, on the couch and in our rooms. The baby also enjoyed nabbing any of the toy food or dishes he could get a hold of and 'eating' them. A couple of the cardboard 'dry goods' boxes got crushed the first day. The play food seemed to be everywhere and even when I helped the kids clean up, the plethora of kitchen accessories could barely be contained in the kitchen's cupboards, drawers and extra picnic basket that Nana included. The children spent hours playing with the kitchen, and all loved it, even though it was often hard to find the specific food or dish they wanted. Immediately, I realized this might be an issue when we brought the kitchen home, especially since all of the playthings in our house have specifically designated spots, baskets or bins into which they are put away. (Yes, I admit it - I like order and so does my daughter).

On the trip home, I thought about where I should set up the kitchen so my daughter would have the freedom to play and cook, but we would not find her kitchen toys all over the house. With a stroke of genius, I decided to put her kitchen in the corner of our kitchen. My daughter always wants to help me cook, this was she could cook when I cook, and the kitchen toys would not be mixed in with other toys in our playroom.

When I mentioned it to my husband he was worried that her kitchen toys would then be all over our kitchen and in the way of our back entrance. So I put a very small corner shelf, that we were not using, next to her kitchen unit as well as an extra basket to help organize her food and dishes. Then I used black tape and marked off a small section of the floor around her kitchen. Together we found places for all of the food and dishes in 'her kitchen' and I showed her the tape boundaries. "This is your kitchen," I said, "and this (pointing to the rest of our kitchen) is mommy's kitchen. Now you can cook with your things in your kitchen and Mommy can cook with my things in my kitchen."

It was surprising how well she cleaned up her kitchen when asked and she does a wonderful job keeping all her accessories in her kitchen, not all over our kitchen. Watching her play, I saw that she loved the freedom of being able to lay out place settings on the shelf in her kitchen, put all the food on her floor if she wanted, cook her fruit in the microwave or just make hamburger/ pizza/egg sandwiches for us! Now that her kitchen had a defined area and her dishes and food had established places to be stored away....she actually liked playing with the kitchen more than when she had free run of it at Nana's house. I also noticed that she became more creative with her own play and more realistic in mimicking my cooking as well.

Giving her physical boundaries created a safe, secure place for her to explore all of her new kitchen food and dishes and play with is however she wanted. Children need boundaries in their lives. Boundaries for their play, for their behavior, for their attitudes and for their creativity. So do we!

How thankful I am thank God, in his love, gave us boundaries for our lives. His word lays out these boundaries and guidelines for us. I realize that often the times I feel the freest and the happiest are when I have changed by action or attitude based on God's guidelines. When I obey His boundaries I have freedom. His boundaries keep me safe and secure. When I try to push and strain against them though, when I try to make my own boundaries, I don't feel free....I usually end up feeling trapped, insecure and unhappy!

Today I am thanking God for this little reminder why He has given boundaries to His children!

The Power of Postive Mom

I have not shared a book review in quite some time, but the wait was worth it. Here is my pick for the month: The Power of a Positive Mom, by Karol Ladd. And it is a winner!!

The book is based on 7 principles for building your home with encouragement and love. With engaging stories and practical principles, Karol encourages moms to draw from the only true source of power....God and His word!

Personally, I sometimes struggle with keeping a positive attitude and speaking and acting out of love when things get hectic. This book is really helping me get the right perspective in order to keep my heart and attitude in line.

With so many negative influences surrounding our kids, we need to make a powerful, permanent, and positive impact on our precious children. We need to build our kids up every day! Karol does a wonderful job illustrating and breaking down some essential principles and tools that we need to accomplish this. Principles such as encouragement, prayer, and a good attitude are included. Some of these may sound like common sense, but actually applying them amidst the stress of daily like can be tough...this book can help!

Each chapter discusses a normal (even everyday) struggle and includes scriptural insight pertaining to that topic. So if you need to change your outlook on motherhood, or just be encouraged on your parenting journey, this is a great book. It is also an easy and entertaining read, that will really have an impact on you.

Smile for the Camera

There is a commercial on the PBS Kids channel that I've seen a lot recently. Have you seen it? It features men and women engaging in "bad" yet common behaviors, such as littering, drinking milk out of the carton, and yelling in rage at another car while driving. The announcer asks something like, "Would you change your actions if you knew you were being videotaped? If you have a child, then you are." And the scenarios zoom out so that you see a young toddler is watching each of the parents behaving inappropriately. The announcer goes on to say that children learn so much from watching their parents and absorb their behavior and habits, whether good or bad. I already knew this, but I've never really had to face it, simply because I've never been watched constantly by a single person as I am by my 18-month old daughter!

My daughter is at an age now where she is very attentive to my actions and responses to situations, and also is capable of remembering my behavior weeks later. This has made me realize how many things I do that I just shouldn't be doing! I have had to censor myself (and I am really not a foul-mouthed person) because sometimes I knew that words of anger were about to come out of my mouth and I did not want my daughter to hear them. I've also had to censor my facial expressions (I am an eye-roller) and the tone of voice I use sometimes. On my ironing day, I usually watch some TV, and having my daughter in the room made me realize that some of the shows I watch are not appropriate and certainly not edifying!

Speaking of the television, a few weeks ago my toddler and I were both sick, so I thought I'd put a movie on and we'd just relax together. Well, I had hard time finding a film that would be appropriate to watch with her. The only one I had was "Finding Nemo." It made me realize that maybe all those R-rated films in my cabinet were not the best movies for my husband and I to be watching because they are filled with bad language, violence, sex, etc. and that's not what we should be filling our heads with!

Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." As a culture, we are surrounded with bad influences and the belief that certain inappropriate behaviors are OK. I do not want to raise my daughter that way. My life is on display for her and I want it to be one that glorifies God and sets a good example. Instead of just censoring bad behaviors, I want to use this opportunity to eliminate them. I want to do this so that my daughter will hopefully, one day, be an adult whose life glorifies God.