the ABC's of Character - Building: I is for Industrious

“But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.” ~ Galatians 6:4

No one wants to raise lazy human beings. We parents want to help our kids learn how to be productive people: disciplined, skilled, and, eventually, self-sufficient …in other words, industrious.

Too often, though, our parental strategy for developing good work habits in our kids can be summed up in one word -- nagging! Instead, I think we need to base our instruction on the understanding of work’s purpose and value found in Genesis 3:19, where God says to Adam: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground.” With this pronouncement, God establishes work and gives three key principles about it.

• Work is hard. It’s no picnic. Effort is required.
• Work is rewarding. This is how we take care of ourselves and get our basic needs met.
• Work is practical. Work is a tool to stay alive. It’s not a path to fulfillment, though. That comes from God alone.

A kid-sized version of this message might be:

• Lots of times, you need to do hard stuff you may not want to do;
• But if you try, you can do it, and get good things from it;
• And this is how you grow up and have a good life.

Here are some ways to give good work-skills coaching to your kids at every age level, based on the principles above. I’ve road-tested the following ideas on my own two kids. Feel free to customize them to fit your own family’s routines.

General approach: The aim of good parenting is to encourage children’s spunk without discouraging their spirits. So --

• Chores should be realistic and age-appropriate. Parents should show how a task is done and set clear expectations.
• Rewards should be well-suited to each child, and appropriately motivational: not too minimal, not too much.
• Rewards should be given for good job performance -- not for “nice tries.”

The early years: Praise, pride, and prizes. Earning their parents’ proud attention is usually adequate “pay” for preschoolers. Progress charts are effective for setting goals and recognizing achievement. Starting at around age 3, I gave stickers for age-appropriate tasks such as dressing oneself, putting toys away, or being a good bathroom user. Small accomplishments earned small rewards, such as an extra bedtime story of their choosing. Bigger accomplishments got more fanfare: we might go to the store so they could pick out a prize.

Grade school: the allure of cash. Growing up in our house, my kids’ basic needs were met, and a small allowance was given, but any extra cash had to come from odd jobs. Grade school was also the time when my kids each tried their hand at a lemonade stand and learned about entrepreneurship. Since I believe that learning is the true work of childhood, I also put a dollar value on report card A’s to reward good study habits. (B’s and C’s were not marketable!)

Hire-able junior-highers. By this age, I paid my kids for any responsibility that I would normally pay others for, such as washing the car, trimming the bushes or babysitting a younger sibling. This is the age when fairness becomes a big issue, so I was always a fair boss: I quoted my rates in advance, set clear standards, and paid out promptly upon job completion. (But I kept the wallet shut if the work was not satisfactory.)

High school: first “outside-the-family” employment. If my high-schoolers were getting good grades and generally being dependable, they could count on Mom for most of the cost of something worthy, such as a youth group retreat. But for go-to-the-mall money, I steered them to neighborhood job opportunities, such as baby-sitting or snow-shoveling.

College: Self-sufficiency and summer jobs. By their senior year, my high-schoolers had summer jobs and were responsible for all their own clothes-buying. In college, they were expected to buy books and supplies (and Starbucks lattes and concert tickets) out of their own paychecks.

Post-graduate: My son, who is pursuing his graduate degree in Germany, knows that now Mom’s only good for cash at Christmas and birthdays. I won’t fund his dreams for him… but he knows that, if things go bad, he can take advantage of my escape clause: an airline ticket back home, and free room and board until he gets settled back in America.

As our children’s career coaches, we parents can help them see work as part of a balanced life that puts God at the center. Let’s show our kids that, to get the best results out of life, they first have to put some consistent effort into life. Let’s reward our children’s efforts with praise, treats, and celebrations – and also with cold cash when appropriate – and teach them how to embrace work, not avoid it.

If we are industrious about helping them become industrious, we’ll reap the rewards later, when our productive progeny are successfully making a living, out on their own.