The Tale of A Fool- It's a bit long, but I'm writing my heart out here :)

I was called a fool by a friend of mine not too long ago and I felt a bit upset about it. But at times, I wonder if I really am a fool, especially in God's eyes.

I never knew I had a material obsession until I had my first baby. I love baby clothes and I can't help myself :) But my fetish is a little different from what you think it might be. My obsession is not with buying, rather, it's with holding on to them or you might even call 'hoarding' them.

I don't know about you, but it's always been a challenge for me to practice giving. Of course it's easy to give away what you don't want anymore, but it becomes a different story when it comes to giving away something you treasure and still would like to have it around.

When my mother first found out she was going to become a grandmother to my first daughter, she went quite obsessive also with the shopping. She bought an entire wardrobe of all the cute baby girl clothes she can get for her first grand-daughter. So, ever since then, I had bags and bags of baby clothes that I loved and held onto for my future children.

But when my 2nd child was about 2 years old, I felt this nudging inside me. You know, the gentle whisper from God that feels like a ton on your heart? Yes, that's the one. I felt He was asking me to give all the clothes away especially to the people who need them the most. I know this sounds silly, but it really was a big struggle for me and I reasoned with God. I even asked Him if I could keep the clothes that have the sentimental values for my future children and give away the rest. But to my surprise, He was asking me to fully trust Him that He'll provide when that time comes, and give away everything.

To make the long story short, after much heart break and even shedding some tears, I ended up giving everything away. Then literally two weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant with my third, who happens to be another girl. At first, I started to panic. I couldn't exactly ask for all the clothes back, nor could I afford all the clothes and baby gear that I needed. But He gave me a sense of peace, and I learned to trust Him that He'll provide. And He did! Almost mysteriously. People around me were so willing to give, I barely needed to buy any clothes or gear for my third child. So, ever since then, it's been my practice to give especially the ones I'd love to keep. It's still a challenge, but I have tasted both the joy of giving and receiving what others treasured, and this helps me to go on.

So, when my friend asked me if I'm all set for my fourth child (btw, I'm having a girl-for those who's been asking :P ), I told her I have not much since I gave everything away after my third, she called me foolish for not thinking about the future. She kinda gave me a lecture about how I should at least keep the ones I really like as if I hadn't thought of all that. To this, I gave no reply, but sometimes, I wonder if trusting God and following my convictions make me look like a fool. 

I'm sure it does. But I want to tell my friend this: one thing that I have learned through this experience, is that yes, God does provide. But even if God doesn't provide the things I want, I still should praise Him because I know He loves me to the point to sending Christ to the cross and plus, Christianity is not about having all my need met anyway. I think this is something we ought to remember especially through times such as now, with the financial crisis and all. When things get tough, it's easy to focus on the little details that only last but a moment, but when we place our trust and faith in Him, He will bring you the greater perspective of what truly matters.