The ABC's of Character-Building: H is for Humble

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.” -- James 4:10

Here it is. The unlikely key. All other the other virtues that we want to see in our children spring from this one, of all things: humility. Humility is a concept that is alien to our nature -- yet it is vital to our spirit. Why is that so?

Well, for one thing, as the verse above states, being humble is the starting gate for allowing God to transform ones life. God regards humility as a basic component of a right relationship with Him. Micah 6:8 says, “…And what does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”

On the other hand, scripture puts pride at the center of everything bad. Pride caused the fall of Satan, and pride was Satan’s ploy to tempt Adam and Eve in the garden -- remember how he promised them that eating the forbidden fruit would make them “like God?” A pretty enticing shortcut to success! But instead, pride paved the way for the fall of mankind.

So if pride is in our spiritual DNA now, how can we ever escape it and achieve humility? What does being humble even really look like, anyway? And if it’s so alien to us, how can we hope to foster it in our children? Some people might define humility as “not having too high an opinion of yourself.” But I think it’s more like keeping both the “high” and the “low” simultaneously in view. It’s knowing that you are the pinnacle of God’s creation, made in His image -- and also knowing that you are a fallen creature, totally powerless to do anything good apart from Him.

Being humble is simply having an undistorted sense of who you are. As Christian parents, we must give our children the whole story. We must acquaint them with both their boundless God-given potential, and their need for God’s forgiveness. But many parents today actually try to stamp out humility in their children, in the name of helping them become more “assertive,” “competitive,” or “self-confident.”

When my kids were growing up, one of the buzzwords of education was “self-esteem.” The idea was vigorously promoted that if children only recognized their inner “specialness,” they would obviously learn better, relate more positively to their peers, and become inspired to fulfill their own greatness. But there was one problem: the students didn’t buy it. Kids did not believe they were “special” -- kids knew they were kids. And they continued to behave like kids. Educators were too busy preaching the “Believe in Yourself” doctrine to realize that their juvenile audience was translating it to mean, “Become Absorbed in Yourself.” Increased bullying, name-calling, teasing and intimidation have been the by-products of this one-sided “self-esteem” philosophy that is, after all, rooted in pride.

Humility is the key to transformation. Without it, a person (whether a child or an adult) will have a lopsided sense of identity, and swing between self-idealization and self-contempt. Either way, the self is still at the center. The cross was borne by Jesus to break this cycle once and for all. For those who come humbly to the foot of the cross, who realize both their need and God’s ultimate provision, the conflict is ended, replaced by peace – a peace that continues as long as Jesus, not self, is the new focus of their being.

Pride tries to negotiate with God. Humility just says “You’re right,” and surrenders.

Mothers, have we consciously decided again, today, to surrender our plans and ideas to His will? By our actions and attitudes, in both our words and our “non-verbals,” we’re telling our children who they are every day. Are we communicating the right message? Are we balancing sincere praise and validation with consistent limits and correction?

Let’s give our sons and daughters the twin training wheels of a healthy identity by both celebrating their value to God (Matthew 10:31) and acknowledging their lost and helpless condition apart from Him (John 15:5). Let’s steer them away from pride’s enticing “shortcuts to nowhere,” and teach them to approach God in obedience, and wait patiently for Him to lift them up in His own timing. Let’s lovingly teach our kids humility. In doing so, we will lay a foundation for all other character development.