Well here I am, 9 months pregnant! I’ve packed on almost 40 lbs, my rings don’t fit on my fingers, and I can’t remember if I’m eating because I’m hungry or if it is because I have food in my house. I always thought I would have the famous “pregnancy glow” but for me it’s just turning out to be “pregnancy sweat.” I feel somewhat like I’ve let myself down with my own expectations of how I was going to feel during pregnancy and what it was going to be like. I thought it would be a harmonious dance with the natural preparation my body and heart would be making with my growing baby. However, I feel as though it’s been just the opposite. I’m not sure if every mom-to-be has had this kind of pregnancy, but I’m here to honestly say that it happened to me. In the beginning I had extreme morning sickness; anything I looked at or smelled made me want to throw up. I felt like everyone else was enjoying their meals, laughing and eating great food, while I was sulking in the corner with a bucket in my lap on the verge of dry heaving. Then as the weeks went by, my appetite returned and I began eating everything in sight... and completely outgrew all my clothes. I became crazy over the foods that I never ate before because of the calories. I wanted to eat healthy but for some reason had no desire too. I kept reminding myself that my husband & I were so blessed to have been given a baby so easily and fast. I kept thanking God for our wonderful joy and at the same time thinking negative thoughts when I saw girls wearing tight jeans that I used to be able to fit into. It seems so vain, but my body change has been the hardest part of my pregnancy. With that said though, I should still be thanking God for allowing my body to hold such a precious gift, at whatever cost it might come with.
As my due date quickly approaches, in time for his wonderful Christmas season, I should be going over my breathing, packing my bags for the hospital and lining up my baby’s pediatrician, but instead I’m still consumed with the thought that as soon as the baby is out I can go for a jog and wear my jeans again. So as vain as this pregnancy has been for me, I hope some one out there can understand. And I pray that these feelings are no indication of what I will be like as a parent. Because one day when my own daughter grows up and becomes pregnant I hope to look at her when she is 9 months along and tell her that she has never looked more beautiful; just like my own mom said to me.
3 comments:
Erin, your feelings are completely normal. I remember not being that upset with my weight gain during my pregnancy but feeling depressed after giving birth because a few months later I still couldn't zip up my favorite jeans! But I do remember that right after taking the baby home I didn't care about exercising, what I was wearing, or even brushing my hair (I let myself go for a bit) but I just sat and stared at that precious little gift from God. Don't make the mistake of setting unrealistic expectations of how much jogging you're going to get in right after birth. You're gonna want to get to know the little guy (and remember that babies don't care what you look like). And I'm with your mom- you look beautiful. :)
I am laughing because I too expected that as soon as the baby was born I would just go back to my normal size in a few weeks.....ha ha, as all moms know it takes longer than that!! But it was so worth it to have that amazing miracle from God. Thanks for being honest about your feelings...I did not always feel beautiful during my pregnancies either...no matter how many people told me it was true. So just take our word for it you are beautiful inside and out!
Erin, I LOVED having babies and I never liked being pregnant...I always hated what my body went through too! I consistently put on 40 lbs every time, and struggled all the way down after birth- sometimes that struggle took a year, sometimes two, and sometimes I got pregnant again before I finished!! My weight has been a thorn in my flesh...all over my flesh and it's one more thing I long to be delivered from-from thinking about it all the time, because I know in my soul it doesn't matter, but then it does too. Of course it matters, but there are seasons in life to let it go, for the purpose of being free to give to those beautiful children who need us- they need us freed up from our self focusing and content -as Paul said, "in whatever state I am." :0)
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