Budding Personalities - by Beth R.

People don't believe me when I tell them that I knew, from before they were born, that my two children would have extremely different personalities. But I did!
The first time I was pregnant, when the baby stretched out a limb uncomfortably against the inside of my belly and I gently pressed it back, that was the end of the story. No more pokes. Obviously this child could take a hint, figure out another way to be happy, and go on to other things. During my second pregnancy, when Baby Number 2 tried to augur a limb into my stomach wall, I did exactly the same press-back -- but this time, I got a jackhammer of insistent jabs in response! Wow, this kid wanted what she wanted, and wouldn't take anything else for an answer! And, I have to say that now that they are fully grown, they still have these basic personality traits. One is Mr. Laid Back -- and the other is Miss Extremes!

Is one personality good, and the other bad? Not at all! A wise person I knew once said that every character quality has both a good side and a bad side. So, the compliant child who doesn't insist on his own way may also have trouble expressing his opinions or asserting his values at school. And the child we call "strong-willed" (and possibly develop more gray hairs over) can end up having that extra dose of passion that helps them excel in circumstances that require assurance and perseverance. As moms, we have infinite opportunities to observe the buddings of personality over the years. Have you watched for them lately? Have you taken note of the little behaviors that help you learn about your children, directly from your children? Those profound observations muttered in baby-talk, those sparks of (sometimes stubborn) individuality, those outbursts of passion and perspective -- they all give us snapshots of our children's strengths. And if we are keen to learn from them, they can become the basis for powerful (and empowering) validations which we alone can provide as a parent during the their teen years. And boy do they need them then!
To me, "personality" is short for "personhood reality." Observing my child's choices, likes and dislikes, and behavior patterns helps me see who my kid is...fundamentally. And timelessly -- because how he or she reacts at four years of age is not too different from the way he or she will react at fourteen, or at forty-four. So finding the strengths in the personality traits of my little ones, and celebrating them, and finding ways to help my kids develop them has become a rewarding theme of mothering. It can be chaotic to sort through issues such as: What type of discipline works best for him? Which after-school pursuits are right for her? Who needs more unstructured time, and who doesn't? By observing your children impartially and sympathetically, you will respond to the characteristics you see and construct a different individualized parenting path for each of them, within the framework of your common family values.
Then actually, eventually, your children do stop being kids and turn into fantastic people. And, if you have reflected their personality traits honestly, and if you have worked with them, instead of trying to work against them -- in short, if you have accepted them for who they are -- they also turn into your friends. You will never stop being their parent, but at that point, you can also step into the role of a trusted collaborator as they begin to craft their grown-up life, along the lines of their own individual strengths, which you have helped them develop.

So please, let's not try to mold our children into anything else than the the unique people God made, with the wonderful personalities that God gave them. Let's teach them ways to master and direct their personality traits, not squash or minimize them. God gave them inborn strengths that He can turn into positive expressions of human potential. Good parenting is just being a tool in His hands as He performs His artistry. And guess what -- in the process, we get our personality traits fine-tuned by Him as well!