More that Just a Mom

This weekend I spent a day in the city with my husband, my brother and my sister-in-law......without my children. I enjoyed walking around Times Square and the financial district, shopping in China Town, eating in Little Italy, (and at our favorite restaurant 'Carmine's'), getting a great view from the water on the Staten Island Ferry and of course relaxing in Central Park. We did many of the typical touristy things as my sister-in-law has never been to the city before and she wanted a little taste of everything.

I have to admit that I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the day. And realized later that it was not just the, good company, great food and amazing sights but the fact that I felt truly free. I did not need to take care of my children's every need, fix meals, feed them meals, clean up after meals, worry about who was napping and who wasn't, fold laundry, plan dinner, straighten up the house, dole out instructions and discipline, wash wiggling hands, wipe little noses and bottoms or listen to any crying.

This was the first time I have been without both my children for the entire day. We've left them for a few hours here and there, but have no family who live close enough to take them for the day. Admittedly, I did not miss them the way I expected too. Yes, when we returned home I loved hearing their voices and holding them in my arms. We gave many extra hugs and kisses and I was happy to be home in time to put them to bed. I did miss their chubby arms wrapped around me and their bubbly laughter...but only after I got home.

Having gotten a good report from home, shortly after we left, that everything was going well I honestly did not think about my children the rest of the day. This sort of shocked me. I am a devoted mother and love my kids, how is it that they did not even enter my mind? I did not talk about them or worry about them. When I saw other children I did not notice their cute sneakers, guess at their age or question that they were not wearing a jacket. It was as if the 'mom' part of my brain had been temporarily shut off. And it was so freeing. It made me realize that I need to get away from my kids or even just out of my 'mom mode' more often.

God has granted me the amazing blessing of motherhood and given me children to love, teach and raise. But being away from them for the day reminded me that my kids are only in my care temporarily. They will grow and have their own lives, their own relationships and their own responsibilities. I so cherish the time I have with them, but in that same moment realize that my entire life, worth and energy cannot be focused solely on them...and is not meant to be. I think I have let 'motherhood' become my identity and even my excuse at times for not challenging myself in other arenas. I know that God has intended me to grow and learn through my mothering, but not to the exclusion of all else. So I need to learn to hold this precious and important gift close, but not wrap my hands so tightly around it than I am unable to grab onto other opportunities and gifts that come along the way. It is a hard lesson for me and I am still working on it.