I confess... I am no "super mom" as I secretly wish to be.I'm now 36 weeks but feel that this baby will arrive any day now. There's been many contractions, including the one that kept me up till 4 in the morning today. I thought today was the day. But both fortunately AND unfortunately, it's not.
You think after having 3 kids, I would be more than ready for this, but I'm not even close. Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to have this child, but I am so scared. I wonder if I could seize each day knowing that I've done my part, and have done it well. Perhaps it's because I had such a hard time when I was home with my first two children. Or, most likely, it could be my fatigue and terrible physical discomfort talking, but I've been feeling quite guilty lately.
I feel guilty....
1. My toddler has been watching way more TV lately due to the uncontrollable nap spasms that's been occuring.
2. That our family meals have been compromised with pizzas and Chinese take outs.
3. My house looks as if we went through a major war and I'm not doing anything about it.
4. The piles of dishes are still piling over and we have to resort to our disposable ones.
5. My older kids want to spend time with me but all I can say is, "I'm sorry, I'm too tired".
6. I bought a sewing machine to save money with the nursery bedding, but ended up buying the bedding set due to my procrastination.
7. My husband needs more attention, but by the time the kids are ready for bed, I've already fallen asleep.
My list can go on and on, but I'll spare you of all the details.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way. Am I a good mom? Am I doing well in my God-given calling as a mother?
When thoughts like these hit me from time to time, I am reminded of God's power over my life through Steven Curtis Chapman's song, His Strength Is Perfect.
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me
No great success to show
No glory on my own
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us when can't carry on
Raised in His power, the weak become strong
His strength is perfect, His strength is PERFECT.
Through Christ who gives me strength
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me
No great success to show
No glory on my own
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us when can't carry on
Raised in His power, the weak become strong
His strength is perfect, His strength is PERFECT.
How true are these words. His strength is perfect when we realize it's all about Him and not about me.
3 comments:
Thanks for being so honest! I could make a similar list and have been bogged down by guilt before. I needed this reminder today that in my weakness GOD is strong!!
Thank you for your honesty, Gina - we have all been there (some of us are there right now) and you can get rid of your guilt right now! Also, please know I would love to come over and wash your dishes/clean your house/give you a hand!!
You just make me smile! I know EXACTLY where you are and it's just a messy page in your book--that's all. Even the 'too much TV'...just let it be a season, you will want to get back on track eventually. I remember getting to the realization that healthy habits and routines were definitely the way to go--so that when I needed to break them, it was actually a great break, and not just another wave of greed or gluttony. It's great to relax for a while--and when you get organized, that will feel great too.
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