The Wonderful Role of a Mother

Dear Mom,

As you know, my cookbook shelf is full of books by the Barefoot Contessa, Nigella, Martha Stewart, Julia Child, Lidia among others. And quite frankly, I can never just stop buying new cookbooks. It's like Jesus would have to tell me He is coming back tomorrow for me to stop buying new cookbooks. However, the impressive number of cookbooks has not improved my cooking over the last 20 years of this passion for fine cooking.

Although you were a European Pastry Chef and baked for many fine restaurants years ago, I did not have any desire to bake, or even cook fine food as a child. Perhaps it was because everything you made was always made from scratch and I preferred peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread. I was fascinated with Eggo Waffles from the freezer section of the grocery market, because somehow there, I would not have to wait. I could pop it in, slather it with margarine, and pour that wonderful artificial syrup all over the little thing.

But then, I went away to college and all I was surrounded with was junk food. You were not there to cook any longer. Pizza at midnight, buffalo wings slathered with spicy sauce and enough blue cheese to cover New York, and well you know what came next? Twenty pounds! At age 21 I realized that instant gratification was not what it was cracked up to be. Perhaps you had given me something I should perhaps go back to and take a second look at.

As the late night snacks and junk food were eliminated, the pounds began to melt off . Late night snacks were replaced with coffee with my friends and browsing at coffee table books for our studio apartments. It was during this time that God was working to change my attitude of "I want it now" to "Lord, show me your will and help me to be patient as You work it out in my life." You see, the fast food, get it now mentality was beginning to be replaced with appreciation for good things come for those who wait ideology - sorry it took me so long to get this.

So you may be wondering about the fetish for cookbooks? Do you remember giving me 'The Way to Cook', by Julia Child? I took it out of a box as I was moving to a new apartment in Brooklyn when I was about 22. I had forgotten that you had given it to me as a fifteen year old for Christmas one year. Here it was on my coffee table - there for only the photographs, but soon it would stir within me a passion to nurture and serve others with food. I don't think you knew this because I no longer lived at home, but I began to buy a new one every year, sometimes more than one. From there I began to see that one of my gifts was hospitality - serving others, and eventually cooking for my husband and family.

And God has used cooking to not only serve others, but to reach other women when there may have been nothing else in common, and to love someone when words were not enough. The time involved in preparing a meal have been some of the best times for our family. They cut and prepare with me as we talk. Many a hurt has been shared as I have cooked and listened and they have opened their hearts. My husband and I have had great times cooking together.

I just wanted you to know that I appreciate what you gave me - what you continue to give me. I love you.

Thank you Mom. Love, Carolina

My Tribute

After some thoughts, I decided to dedicate this blog entry to my husband Jay. There are so many thanks I owe him in the 10 years I've known him, and I know that I haven't appreciated him as much as he deserves. Sometimes we feel that way as a wife and a mother, not being appreciated enough for what we do as we take care of our home. But I seldom think that men need the same emotional support as we do since they don't really show the need. But deep down, they do crave that kind of support especially from us wives.

I love watching how my husband interact with our kids. He's so involved in their lives, and this means a world to me as I come from a broken home at the age of 5, and never saw my Dad to this day. This, of course made me quite skeptical of men and marriage and try to distance myself as much as possible. (I can't go into how I got to this point of my life- being married with 4th child on the way since it's way too long), but being married to a man who takes God and His Word seriously in his life really changed all that. And in moments such as watching him playing tea party our girls (please don't tell him I wrote this on the blog), and playing baseball with our son has brought such healing in my life. Just as he's a great father, he's been a great husband as well. He's been cooking breakfast and doing the dinner dishes everyday on top of million things he does at work, ever since I was pregnant and this means a world to me right now. This made me realize how much of a pillar he is in our family, and his presence matters.

At our MOPS meeting few weeks ago, we talked a little about marriage and our husbands, and how easy it gets for us to neglect them because we get so tired and exhausted from doing our job as a mom. I can tell you, by the time I put the kids to bed, I'm too tired to do anything. But I remember someone mentioning, we ought to show our appreciation for what they do, even if you FEEL like they don't do anything. Even saying thanks for providing for the family means a lot to our husbands especially because it's what God has designed them to be- the breadwinner. Let me tell you, my husband nearly had a heart attack when I thanked him for working so hard to provide for us and so that I can stay home as well. I just had no idea, how touched he would be by a few words that came from my heart.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and usually, if we do something to celebrate, I've always expected him to do something to treat me well :P But this time around, I think I should repay him for all his efforts to make me happy.

Freedom Within the Boundaries

One of my daughter's favorite Christmas presents is the play kitchen she received from her grandparents. The unit includes a stove top, oven, sink, microwave, refrigerator, phone, drawers and cabinets. Of course Nana also bought pots and pans, cups, plates, bowls, pitchers, glasses, silverware, cooking utensils and a hot pad - as well as plastic fruit, bread, meat, eggs, veggies, pizza, chips, dessert, canned goods, dry goods and anything else you could need for a well stocked kitchen!

My daughter and her cousins loved cooking for all the relatives who were at her grandparents for the holidays. Soon we were finding plastic forks, hamburgers and chips under our feet, on the couch and in our rooms. The baby also enjoyed nabbing any of the toy food or dishes he could get a hold of and 'eating' them. A couple of the cardboard 'dry goods' boxes got crushed the first day. The play food seemed to be everywhere and even when I helped the kids clean up, the plethora of kitchen accessories could barely be contained in the kitchen's cupboards, drawers and extra picnic basket that Nana included. The children spent hours playing with the kitchen, and all loved it, even though it was often hard to find the specific food or dish they wanted. Immediately, I realized this might be an issue when we brought the kitchen home, especially since all of the playthings in our house have specifically designated spots, baskets or bins into which they are put away. (Yes, I admit it - I like order and so does my daughter).

On the trip home, I thought about where I should set up the kitchen so my daughter would have the freedom to play and cook, but we would not find her kitchen toys all over the house. With a stroke of genius, I decided to put her kitchen in the corner of our kitchen. My daughter always wants to help me cook, this was she could cook when I cook, and the kitchen toys would not be mixed in with other toys in our playroom.

When I mentioned it to my husband he was worried that her kitchen toys would then be all over our kitchen and in the way of our back entrance. So I put a very small corner shelf, that we were not using, next to her kitchen unit as well as an extra basket to help organize her food and dishes. Then I used black tape and marked off a small section of the floor around her kitchen. Together we found places for all of the food and dishes in 'her kitchen' and I showed her the tape boundaries. "This is your kitchen," I said, "and this (pointing to the rest of our kitchen) is mommy's kitchen. Now you can cook with your things in your kitchen and Mommy can cook with my things in my kitchen."

It was surprising how well she cleaned up her kitchen when asked and she does a wonderful job keeping all her accessories in her kitchen, not all over our kitchen. Watching her play, I saw that she loved the freedom of being able to lay out place settings on the shelf in her kitchen, put all the food on her floor if she wanted, cook her fruit in the microwave or just make hamburger/ pizza/egg sandwiches for us! Now that her kitchen had a defined area and her dishes and food had established places to be stored away....she actually liked playing with the kitchen more than when she had free run of it at Nana's house. I also noticed that she became more creative with her own play and more realistic in mimicking my cooking as well.

Giving her physical boundaries created a safe, secure place for her to explore all of her new kitchen food and dishes and play with is however she wanted. Children need boundaries in their lives. Boundaries for their play, for their behavior, for their attitudes and for their creativity. So do we!

How thankful I am thank God, in his love, gave us boundaries for our lives. His word lays out these boundaries and guidelines for us. I realize that often the times I feel the freest and the happiest are when I have changed by action or attitude based on God's guidelines. When I obey His boundaries I have freedom. His boundaries keep me safe and secure. When I try to push and strain against them though, when I try to make my own boundaries, I don't feel free....I usually end up feeling trapped, insecure and unhappy!

Today I am thanking God for this little reminder why He has given boundaries to His children!

The Power of Postive Mom

I have not shared a book review in quite some time, but the wait was worth it. Here is my pick for the month: The Power of a Positive Mom, by Karol Ladd. And it is a winner!!

The book is based on 7 principles for building your home with encouragement and love. With engaging stories and practical principles, Karol encourages moms to draw from the only true source of power....God and His word!

Personally, I sometimes struggle with keeping a positive attitude and speaking and acting out of love when things get hectic. This book is really helping me get the right perspective in order to keep my heart and attitude in line.

With so many negative influences surrounding our kids, we need to make a powerful, permanent, and positive impact on our precious children. We need to build our kids up every day! Karol does a wonderful job illustrating and breaking down some essential principles and tools that we need to accomplish this. Principles such as encouragement, prayer, and a good attitude are included. Some of these may sound like common sense, but actually applying them amidst the stress of daily like can be tough...this book can help!

Each chapter discusses a normal (even everyday) struggle and includes scriptural insight pertaining to that topic. So if you need to change your outlook on motherhood, or just be encouraged on your parenting journey, this is a great book. It is also an easy and entertaining read, that will really have an impact on you.

Smile for the Camera

There is a commercial on the PBS Kids channel that I've seen a lot recently. Have you seen it? It features men and women engaging in "bad" yet common behaviors, such as littering, drinking milk out of the carton, and yelling in rage at another car while driving. The announcer asks something like, "Would you change your actions if you knew you were being videotaped? If you have a child, then you are." And the scenarios zoom out so that you see a young toddler is watching each of the parents behaving inappropriately. The announcer goes on to say that children learn so much from watching their parents and absorb their behavior and habits, whether good or bad. I already knew this, but I've never really had to face it, simply because I've never been watched constantly by a single person as I am by my 18-month old daughter!

My daughter is at an age now where she is very attentive to my actions and responses to situations, and also is capable of remembering my behavior weeks later. This has made me realize how many things I do that I just shouldn't be doing! I have had to censor myself (and I am really not a foul-mouthed person) because sometimes I knew that words of anger were about to come out of my mouth and I did not want my daughter to hear them. I've also had to censor my facial expressions (I am an eye-roller) and the tone of voice I use sometimes. On my ironing day, I usually watch some TV, and having my daughter in the room made me realize that some of the shows I watch are not appropriate and certainly not edifying!

Speaking of the television, a few weeks ago my toddler and I were both sick, so I thought I'd put a movie on and we'd just relax together. Well, I had hard time finding a film that would be appropriate to watch with her. The only one I had was "Finding Nemo." It made me realize that maybe all those R-rated films in my cabinet were not the best movies for my husband and I to be watching because they are filled with bad language, violence, sex, etc. and that's not what we should be filling our heads with!

Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." As a culture, we are surrounded with bad influences and the belief that certain inappropriate behaviors are OK. I do not want to raise my daughter that way. My life is on display for her and I want it to be one that glorifies God and sets a good example. Instead of just censoring bad behaviors, I want to use this opportunity to eliminate them. I want to do this so that my daughter will hopefully, one day, be an adult whose life glorifies God.

Being IN the Here and Now

There is something that has consumed much of my internal pondering. I should explain that. I think there's a place in all of us that doesn't 'get out' much. What I mean is, we have 'safe zones', the places we share and get prayer for, we have 'safe requests' too - the things that we can handle admitting that we need help or prayer in. You know, it's manageable to ask for prayer with health, or to pray for patience, but if you've been in church a while, there's a part of you that will struggle to open doors to the 'inside' - where the REAL issues get pondered, and processed - most often alone.

Well, I'm burdened by the silence of a teenage son. There's a part of me that doesn't want anyone to know that, because I don't want to look too vulnerable as a parent. I mean the first reaction is to diagnose, to find what went wrong, and you get to a point where too many failures on your record are more than you can handle wearing...at least in your minds' own self conscious eye. But, it's true. I do have to say though, that nothing has actually happened yet, or gone wrong - officially --YET! But there is a relational absence that translates to concern in my brain - well, in my heart for sure. When the sunny 'hi mom' or 'I love you too...' hasn't been heard for a while. When you feel like your interrupting when you say good morning, and there's no interest in your little love offerings of food or (whatever)! When there hasn't been a hug - a real one, in AGES. These are pains that lead to a heavy hearted low. I can't help but worry, because he seems gone - at least from my husband and I.

I'm bringing this up here because there has been an anchor for me. And that anchor is this. First, God is more invested in my son than I am. THAT's good!! Also, I have some well grounded memories and evidence of a solid emotional foundation. That's what I want to say here. Savor these days with your young children at home. Milk them for all there worth!! They pass SO quickly. You know it, you hear it, but it needs to be said over and over because we have a tendency to always look forward OR backward and to not be present enough - right where you are right now. Moments of holding your child, or squatting down to have a conversation at their eye level. Giving them TIME to finish what they're saying, and even asking a follow-up questions to further exercise your patience...these are the things we will need for reference when the sun goes behind the clouds. We get fuel for these exercises in patience from one place ONLY. Patience, gentleness, kindness...these fruits come from the Father. A holy Father and his Holy Spirit!

I really just wanted to encourage you today, and remind myself - to give. To let giving stretch us beyond what we ever thought we could stretch to. To savor the richness of THIS season, before it's moved on.

Oh Boy, I'm Rich!

Well.... at least in theory. I came across a very interesting article from cnn.com that I saved a while ago, and I thought I'd share it with you for fun :)

Apparently, some company called salary.com did a study and a survey about how much a stay at home mom would earn if they were to compensate the amount of work, considering skills, and the hours. So, according to this, I would be paid guess how much? Try $116,805.00 x 3= $350,415.00 per year!! (Expecting another promotion with my 4th child :P )

Amazing, huh?

According to their survey, typical moms work 94.4 hours a week- meaning more than half the working hours are on overtime.

A mom with two boys said in her interview, that her "job" as a mother gives her intangible benefits she wouldn't be able to have in the workplace. She says, "The rewards aren't monetary, but it's a reward knowing that they're safe and happy, because it's worth it all."

Yes, I whole-heartily agree- Motherhood is a privilege given by our Heavenly Father. We have a responsibility to raise His beloved children to become people who truly love the Lord. And with that comes all the benefits, right? We don't get paid with money, but we certainly get to keep all those precious memories no money can buy. And most of all, it helps us to understand how God loves us as a parent.

So, at times when I feel extremely frustrated or discouraged (i.e. fighting bedtimes, sibling rivalry, two year old tantrums, etc.), I try to take a deep breath and remind myself of the privilege I am given. And although not easy, I should savor every moment of my time with my children because I know time flies by so fast and there will be a moment in my life that I will miss all the tantrums :)

Homemade Toys

My kids have so many toys, but I find that the often play with the simplest things. My 10 month old is obsessed with empty containers of any kind; formula cans, diaper wipe dispensers and tupperware are some of his current loves. My two year old loved rolling used aluminum foil into balls and playing with empty boxes. I think as mothers some times we need to get more creative and use the simple, everyday items we have on hand to entertain out kids.

So when I came across this collection of homemade toys on the robynsnest blog I just had to share it! I made the ziploc book for my 10 month old and he loves it. Try them out!


Check out her blog homepage too for great indexed parenting tips and resources from pregnancy on up!

Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures

I had it, I was fed up, beyond frustrated and way past losing my cool. That is when I did it, made a snap decision that I was afraid I would regret later. I said something, that I am sure the experts would frown upon. But there it was...it came out of my mouth and there was no going back now. "You want to be a baby?" I said to my whining 2 year old, "Ok then, starting now.... you are a baby. That is how mommy will treat you - no big girl anything!"

Rewind 30 minutes, SCENE:
Two year old dumping her snack and drink on the floor, followed by giddy laughter and a bubbly exclamation, "Ha ha, I baby. I make mess!" Mom, looking less than amused and wondering what happened to her mini neat freak, hands the offending toddler a wipe and says in a firm, but even-toned voice, "I am happy that you are a big girl and get to eat snacks, but food is for eating, we DO NOT throw it on the floor. Clean it up now."

Rewind 20 minutes, SCENE:
Same child runs into the room holding a soggy, torn page from a book. Smile on her face she says, "I rip it, eat it....yuck. I baby!" Mom, trying not to overreact and wondering what happened to her avid reader who had been turning pages carefully since she could sit up, says in an even firmer and slightly agitated voice, "You MAY NOT rip your books or I will have to take them away. Books are for reading and you know that." Then taking the book, she directs child to time out.

Rewind 5 minutes, SCENE:

Mom and two year old are playing, when child suddenly gets up and runs off to her playroom. A few minutes later mom follows and finds her obviously soiled and wet!! "I poo in pants," her previously well potty trained child says and then continues with no remorse, "I baby, need bath now, yeah!" Mom has lost her cool, firm, parent voice now, as well as any patience that she was saving up. Sounding like a 2 year old herself she says in a very loud and very angry tone (just short of screaming), "NO! You use the POTTY you DO NOT go in your pants! Yuck! Get into the bathroom NOW. GO!"

Now this may sound harsh, but as this was her 5th 'accident' in just as many days (following a couple months without accident)....I now realized that these were no accidents and that my amazing, beautiful, smart toddler was purposely wetting and soiling herself. Why?? Fuming in silence as I stripped her and gave her a bath, I wondered why she was suddenly deciding to act like a baby. Her baby brother was born almost 10 months ago and she has been wonderful...until the past couple weeks. If anything she has gotten more attention lately as he needs less attention. We tried ignoring and down playing her unacceptable 'baby behavior' while singing praises for her 'big girl' behavior. we tried special rewards and special time doing 'big girl' things when she behaved. When that did not work we tried disciplining her for such behavior bad negative reinforcement (removing a privilege). Nothing worked not even my heartfelt talk about how much we loved to hug and cuddle her no matter how big she was and were so happy that she could read, color, sing...etc with us.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by a cute little voice saying...yes, those words I had come to dread, "Ha Ha..I baby, eat shapoooo." Sure enough she was sucking on the shampoo bottle. That brings us back to the beginning of our story. I told her that from now on she was a baby.

I dried her off, put a diaper on her and got her dressed. Ignoring her request for a specific shirt I said, "Mommy chooses clothes for babies." When she reached for a book to read I said. "Oh no, babies can't have those books, they will rip them," and quickly took all her books off her bookshelf and stashed them out of reach. I carried her downstairs and set her in the pack-n-play while I made lunch. After a few minutes she asked to get out and I said, "Hi pretty baby, what are you saying....mommy can't understand what babies say, but I love you!"

When I took her out of the pack-n-play she ran to get her treasured cinderella doll, and her own cinderella crown and shoes to wear. I quickly took them away and said, "Oh these are not safe for babies, you could get hurt!" Handing her a rattle I sat her in the booster seat at the table and strapped her in. She looked shocked and I could tell the novelty of being a baby was quickly fading. Grandma called and after I talked to her, my big 'baby' wanted to talk too. I said, "What are you saying baby? are you trying to talk on the phone. So silly, babies can't talk on the phone!"

As we started our lunch I said to her baby brother, "I miss talking to my big girl, reading with her, coloring with her and dressing up with her. But I do love my babies!" I fed her a spoon of pureed green beans and rice cereal. "Yum, babies love this," I said. She swallowed it slowly...watching as her brother gobbled his, panted for more and happing banged his hands on his highchair tray. After feeding her a few more spoonfuls I started eating my own lunch. A cream cheese and jam sandwhich, raisins and some goldfish...all my daughters favorites. That did it!!!

"I big girl, not baby," she said "I no wear dipee, I go on potty. I eat samich." Apparently she had enough of being treated like a baby, especially since it was not as fun as she thought it would be.
She got down from her seat, went into the potty, took care of business on her own. Then came out, asked for underwear and a big girl lunch. "Hooray," I said, "I am so happy my big girl is back," and I hugged her tight.

Three days later her behavior has still been that of a happy big girl!!! Let's hope it stays that way.

ABC's of Character-Building: B is for BOLD

(See our Introduction to Character-Building for the story behind these great A - Z lessons!!)

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” -- Hebrews 4:16

Everyone wants to raise children who can face life boldly and confidently. It’s such a shame when a child’s lack of confidence leads him or her pass up new experiences, or retreat into timid solitude. As mothers, when we see that happen, how greatly our hearts are distressed! But there’s also such a thing as over-confidence in children. A recent Wall Street Journal article about college graduates reported that many of them display a swaggering bravado in job interviews that alienates their would-be hirers.

The answer is to help our kids acquire a boldness that is based, not on their own capability, but on the reliability of our heavenly Father. This of course is not self-confidence, but God-confidence. And you can start cultivating this kind of boldness in your children today.

Years ago, I was with a group of women at my friend Carol’s house when one of her small children entered the room. When Carol saw him, her face lit up pleasantly and her focus left the rest of us completely. “What is it, buddy?” she asked, in a tone that contained a happy chuckle. But her real message was contained in her gaze. It said plainly, without words: “I love you, and I enjoy you.” Watching that brief interchange, I resolved on the spot that when I had kids, I’d try to have that open, inviting relationship with them.

When our children are tiny infants, they search our faces, looking for any glint of response that will embolden them to flash us their first adorable, flirty, toothless smiles. We go after those baby grins recklessly, don’t we? With our animated gestures and squeals, we look and sound like fools in the process! Yet just a little while later, deep in the business of motherhood, we can forget the importance of those face-to-face connections.
We are reckless in a different way, as we deliberately use our eye contact to convey other messages:
“Don’t bother me.”
“You are a chore to me.”
“I don’t want to be your mom right now.”
Such looks of detachment or disapproval can quench a child’s boldness. They may deeply affect how a child approaches the world – and God.

Of course, we can’t always be in love with our kids’ actions and attitudes. There are times when we will lose our composure, and watch out! Suddenly, the cozy-comfy mother hen becomes the Wicked Witch of the Nest! But when we consciously determine to make eye contact with our kids in an open and loving way, many times a day, we build moments of positive connection that form a safety net of security around our little ones’ feelings. They feel reassured of our love, so they no longer need to hijack our attention in outrageous ways. So, how can we consistently reflect God’s steadfast love? How can we mirror His constant readiness to show mercy and grace? Before we seek to model our Father’s love to our children., we need to feel utterly confident of it ourselves.

These are difficult times for many of us financially. Have you let your worries and cares intrude on your mothering opportunities today? If so, I have three words for you: go to God. Make an actual, written-out list of all your cares, and then cast them on Him, as we are urged to do in 1 Peter 5:7. When you leave your problems at the foot of His throne, they can’t distract you from the sweetness of your time with your children. Or maybe you are feeling as though your children are your problems. If you continually feel annoyed, grieved or wounded by your child’s behavior, again I have three words for you: go to God. He will comfort you and lift you up. He will give you clear action steps through His Word that will help you meet your mothering challenges His way, and live in victory, not victimization. You will find purpose and contentment in Him alone, so that you never have to seek them from your children.

We role-model confidence when we ourselves are confident, not in our own strength, but in God’s power to take us beyond our own deficiencies and give us “grace to help in time of need.” To depend on God’s love and live in it fully is the surest way to develop boldness of character in our kids. There will be plenty of times ahead when we will need to appeal to Him in the midst of our mothering. We will wear a new path to the throne room for each of the children God gives us, as we come to Him often for His mercy, and His grace.And because Jesus paved the way by laying down His life for us, God always greets us with arms open wide! He has demonstrated foolish recklessness in his quest to bring us to Himself. We can always get His focused attention. As we boldly enter His throne room via prayer, He always greets us with a welcoming gaze that says, “I love you, and I enjoy you.”

Let’s give that same look to our kids today.

Guaranteed Success in Parenting

When my children were young, I was like a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter, reading as many books as possible, watching videos, participating in Sunday School and small group series, and surrounding myself with wise counsel, all geared to have the proper tools and techniques to raise our children to have the right attitude, behavior, and character. Looking back, I was a bit neurotic about doing everything just so - so what? Perfect. Right?! I don't think so... I lost sight of the fact that time would teach me about my child's bent. Time would enable my husband and I to make a plethora of mistakes which in turn would exaserbate the problem or problems, making mountains out of mole hills. Time would show us that the key to any action plan, (in this case it was to raise healthy kids, not happy kids as the world says) is consistency and follow through. But you know as time would have it, we would get tired, angry, annoyed, impatient, lazy, and so we would switch our strategy, our game plan repeatedly, to find something that would work better. This did not work! What is working and what has worked for millions who have parented before us, is to stay with the basics - the God stuff.

I can not take credit for the following "Top Ten Countdown" - it is Dr. Kevin Leman's, but I will tell you that I wish I had seen it when my children were young. I hope you will glean wisdom from it as we have.



10. Be 100 percent consistent in your behavior.

9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.

8. Respond, don't react.

7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, 'What would my old self do in this situation?

What should the new me do?"

6. Never threaten your kids.

5. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly.)

4. Don't give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you're saying, "You're so stupid,

I have to tell you twice.")

3. Ask yourself, "Whose problem is this?" (Don't own what isn't yours.)

2. Don't think the misbehavior will go away.

1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to...do something else.



If you can say that you have kept even half of these faithfully, congratulations. I have failed at everyone of these points, sometimes many times in one day. You see, you are not alone - even after 16 years of parenting, I have to still count to 10, asking myself regularly, "whose problem is this anyway?", and work hard at keeping a happy face - even when I want to beep beep beep the beep beep beep... do something else.

God is there to go before you and will meet you there where no one else can - to love that child unconditionally. As you face 2009, face it with confidence, not in yourself or your great strategy, but in a God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He will provide what you need for your parenting, your marriage, and your life.

God bless. CRF

@ 30 Weeks

This picture describes so well of how I've been feeling lately as I have transitioned into my third trimester. I'm down 30 weeks- only 10 more to go. But the truth is, I don't know if I can stand 10 more weeks of discomfort, forgetfulness, the mood swings, etc. (You know how it goes.)

There are days where I feel overwhelmed- wondering if I can handle being a mother of four. How in the world am I going to pull that off and on top of that do it well? And there are days where I feel excited as I look forward to meeting this baby. It's so fun to find out how God unfolds the personality of this new child as each of them are so different. And there are definitely days where I watch my three children play and laugh together which bring me many indescribable joys and fulfillment.

In many ways, even through the ups and downs of it, motherhood is, I'd have to say such a blessing. Children really are a blessing from the Lord and even through the hard times, we must embrace this reality. I must embrace this truth. 

I find the hardest challenge for me to really get over is to let go. Sometimes it's so easy to get sucked up in the mode of being in control, where most of the things you do especially with taking care of little ones is just that... But there are times it's hard to let go when it comes to fully trusting God and finding peace in knowing that God is in charge of my children and not me. It's foolish- I know. But I overly worry about the safety of the kids, their future, etc. The list cannot be all listed here. I realize though, this takes practice. Because in the end, God is in control whether I "let go" or not. This is more like spiritual battle for me. Do I listen to the lies of the accuser or do I choose to live a life of victory as I find the true freedom in Christ?

New Year Resolutions - by Jill

On January 1st, my husband and I were having a wonderfully relaxing breakfast with my family until my sister brought up the topic of New Year resolutions. Instead of saying we wanted to lose weight we changed it to eat healthier and to avoid disappointment from failed long-term commitments, we avoided the topic of exercise. To be honest while eating healthier is something I strive for, both weight loss and exercise are secretly on my list of New Year resolutions. They may even be yours.

Today in my quiet time God reminded me of something that has even greater impact on our life because it effects the lives around us and is everlasting. Romans 14:12 tells us that "each one of us will give an account of himself to God." If you died today, what would your account look like? Would your account be something you would be ashamed of or one that glorifies God? You may say that God would understand what He sees because after all we live in a corrupt world. Besides how can we live in this world and not be defiled by it? Well, consider Daniel. Daniel was a man highly esteemed by God who resolved that he would not defile himself with the world around him. If he can do it, we can too with God's strength.

So, how about it? Will you make the resolution not to defile yourself? This means that we actively seek Jesus by spending time with Him in His word, in prayer and in fellowship with other Christian believers instead of focusing on the things that are on earth and obey His Spirit instead of the desires of our flesh.

Who Wants to Grow Up

'I big girl'......'I baby!' Lately these two phrases come out of my 2 yr old's mouth equally. When she wants extra cuddles, does not want to feed herself, wants daddy to carry her, does not want to clean up or just feels that her baby brother is getting too much attention, she will hug our legs and say...'I baby!'

Alternately when she wants to get in and out of her chair by herself, watch a show, stay up later than her brother, pick out her clothes, read books or anything else that the baby cannot do she prides herself in saying, 'I big girl!'

It is ironic and even comical; the duality of wanting to be a baby and fiercely wanting to be independent at the same time, but of course can lead to frustration for her and us as we never know if she is a 'baby' or 'big girl' at the given moment.

So today I had a talk with her about how happy I am that she is a big girl now. How happy I am that she can read, color, walk, talk, sing, dance, go potty, get dressed, go to sunday school, feed herself, swing on the playground and many other fun things. I asked her if she loved her baby brother - she replied YES immediately. I told her that I loved her baby brother too even though he could not do all those things she could do. Then I told her I loved her even though she was not a baby any more. I assured her that even big girls and grown up girls (like mommy) still needed a hug and a cuddle every day.

There are times I can relate to my daughter's desire to be a baby. Wouldn't it be great to have someone else take care of everything for us, work for us, clean for us, rock us to sleep, feed us, dress us and love us all the time?? On the other hand, wouldn't it be tiresome not to have the ability to voice your opinion, make decisions, go where you want when you want, become mature and to be so limited?
It makes me so grateful that I am not a baby, but am still a child...with the best Father in the world. God does love me all the time and takes care of me, yet He allows me to have a voice, make decisions and mature... all the while guiding me in His plan! What a wonderful life!!

Bridging the Gap

For about 5 days around New Year's, we had my in-laws come visit and stay with us. All of my husband's family still lives in England, so we go over to visit about once a year and his parents and occasionally brother or sister and family come to visit us. We love them dearly and it's always very difficult to say goodbye. Talking to a friend recently whose family is in California (about same flight time as to London), she said, "It would almost be better to never see them." It would - to make a clean break emotionally would help prevent those outbursts of grief when you have to leave after relishing in each other's company. When I spoke with my Mother-in-law about this, she agreed with how difficult it is. She brought up the story of her Uncle, who emigrated from England to New Zealand when he was a young man. He never saw his Mother or most other family members again. At that time, the trip was made by boat, and I guess it was very difficult and probably expensive to make trips between the two countries (not to mention long). He decided to detach himself, probably to make it a little easier to cope.

Although sometimes I think that way is easier, I know I could never do that. Even though it can be difficult in a number of ways, we do all we can to stay close with my husband's family. I'm so thankful for modern technology, including airplane flights with decent meals and in-flight entertainment, (not to mention stewards that somehow stop your baby from screaming after you've tried everything), telephones and international phone plans, and webcams. If you have any family that lives far away, have you thought of getting a webcam? You can purchase a good webcam for around $50 (although you can pay less or more for one as well) and use it with a free service, like Skype or MSN Messenger. It's so wonderful to have a little bit of face time here and there. We can also see our little nephews playing with each other, rather than just hear it in the background over the phone. I also started a blog where I can post photos and videos of my toddler playing and going through day to day activities, so my overseas family can feel like they're experiencing it with us.

Although I can get caught up in thinking about the difficulties of long-distance, God reminds me to praise Him for the blessing of family that we love and for the numerous ways we have to stay close with them. It's very hard to live so far away from family, but I'm thankful that today there are resources that make the distance a little easier! As my Mother-in-law said to me, "Now if only they could invent some kind of beam transportation that brings you from one place to another instantly!"

New Year's Resolution?

Have I ever told you I love to read? 

Reading is not only just a hobby, but a safe haven for me.

But if you're a mother, especially of more than one (in my case it's three plus another on the way), you know how it gets with the schedules. You can hardly find time to do anything for yourself, let alone sit and relax while reading your favorite book with a cup of tea in your hand. Ha! I wish.

But for my New Year's Resolution, I've decided to squeeze in some reading. So, I did some research. What I found is called LibriVox ( www.librivox.com ). It's a site where you can download endless audiobooks for FREE! They're mostly classics because they're from the public domain. But since I've always had heart for classics anyway, this works for me... at least for now. 

It's still not an ideal way, but as I dream of a time where I have a little more free time in my hands, this is how I get to do what I love to do :) So, if you're a reader like me, but can't find the time, check out this site and just download to your computer or your MP3 player and enjoy while you're making dinner or doing the dishes, etc. Your daily chores will become less of a chore :P

Introduction to The ABC's of Character-Building (by Beth R.)

It started as a letter that I received from my mother, Sue Goddard, when I was expecting my first child. She wrote, “As you know, Dad and I had very little formal training when it came to rearing children. We just knew from God’s Word the attributes we wished our children to have. So we proceeded to use that book to help us, to the best of our ability, introduce those values to our children in and through our own home life.” Mom then laid out an incredible list of qualities – one for each letter of the alphabet – with Bible verses that gave them solid shape and meaning. What an incredible resource this list became all through my kids’ growing-up years! It helped me focus not on only their outward well being, but on their inner character growth.

I’ve added some of my own thoughts to make the ABC’s of Character-Building a collection of two generations of mothering tips. That’s over fifty years of experience – from laced saddle shoes to Velcro cross-trainers – from black and white TV to flat screen HD – from the Korean War to the War on Terror. Our kids will need to steer through similar dramatic changes in their world. Thankfully, God’s truth provides unchanging wisdom and unfailing guidance. Mom put it this way: “As people are spiritually well, the other goals will fall in place.” Let’s use these scripture guideposts to create a spiritual wellness program in our homes that will last for generations to come.

All verses are presented here in the King James Version, just as my mother gave them to me. I chose to retain this version of the biblical text as a reminder of our long Bible heritage. Many generations of mothers have found a haven in these words! Let us do so as well.

Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in His commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth; the generation of the upright shall be blessed! -- Psalm 112: 1 & 2

The just man walketh in his integrity; his children are blessed after him. - - Proverbs 20:7

Let’s get started with the letter A in the article that follows, and watch for future installments to the ABC’s of Character-Building throughout 2009.

The ABC's of Character-Building: A is for Angelic

A is for Angelic
And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. - - Luke 2:10
Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. - - Revelation 5:12

The lore of the Christmas season portrays angels as graceful, sweet-voiced songsters, dazzling peaceful shepherds on picturesque hillsides against a starry sky. No wonder we call our adorable children “little angels.” Unfortunately, the only time we do that is when they’re asleep!
The truth is, “angelic” is usually NOT the adjective that comes to mind as we navigate the chaos of a kid-filled day. Raising children has its ups and downs. We clean them up -- calm them down -- dress them up – put them down for naps – pick them up – watch them fall down again. And along the way we often get all worked up, and put our foot down!

Where does “angelic” fit into this blur of constant motion? How can we raise kids who have an other-worldly glow about them, when they have a perpetual layer of worldly dirt ON them? Actually, real angels are a lot grittier than we think. Going back to their recorded appearances in the Bible, we see that they are usually loud! And surprising! And even terror-inducing! Hmm, now that’s a description that sounds more like real children!

Angels in the Bible are geared up for action. They tend to show up in shining regiments, like an incoming army. Yes, they sing, but their songs are more like battle war chants than saintly descants. They often have flaming swords in their hands. One of them wrestles all night with Jacob. Another one actually hits Peter: he gives the famous apostle a good smack as he tells him to get up and escape from prison. (Now that’s an angel that boys can relate to.)

The Bible says nothing about personal guardian angels. Nobody in the Bible prays to angels for miraculous deliverance. On the contrary, angels are sometimes sent in answer to prayers made to God. Most often, though, they arrive to intervene in human affairs independent of human request, in times of God’s ordaining, as His chosen instruments. And one other thing we see clearly in scripture: angels don’t allow others to worship them. They direct all attention to God. In fact, they never fail to increase people’s perception of God’s mighty power and awesome glory.

So do we really want to raise “angelic” kids? Yes, but not the definition of “angelic” that means “looks cute, hands folded, never gets into trouble.” We want to help our children be like those real angels – focused on God’s might, God’s message, and God’s mission. Ready to act on His bidding and protect His beloved ones. Willing to “fly” to the rescue at key strategic moments, and proclaim good news where and when it is most needed.

Angels are actually God’s servants… and God’s action heroes! As we role-model focused, humble service to God in our day to day living, we can become the truest of action heroes in our children’s lives as well. We can show them, throughout life’s daily ups and downs, the intersection of the Eternal. What a gift to know, from young childhood, that what you see is not all there is… that God’s purpose shines inside the everyday.
Let’s seek to raise angelic children who can stand up for God’s principles and stare down the enemy with confidence. (Maybe we’ll hold off giving them those flaming swords, though. Toy plastic light sabers are enough of a challenge!)

Settling into life after the Holidays...

I love the holidays and thoroughly enjoyed my time with my family. Time away from home, away from the typical everyday responsibilities, time to play, time to visit, time to eat what I wanted without worry. I loved getting out with my husband while grandma watched the kids, cuddling with my nieces, shopping with my mom, giving gifts and watching my children play with their cousins.
But settling back into my normal routine after a week away has been a bit rough. The kids schedules are off from being away and not sleeping well, there are tons of new clothes, toys, books, and other presents to unload and find places for, not to mention the laundry that must be done, the groceries that need to be bought and the house that desperately needs to be cleaned again. The biggest obstacle to out smooth transition back into life at home was the one unwanted gift we brought home from...a nasty cold and cough. First my husband got it, then the baby, then the toddler, then me. We have now recovered mostly, from the holidays and the cold (except for the baby), but I feel like somehow I am behind in starting the new year!

Regardless of the less than easy aftermath of our holiday traveling, I am so grateful we went and thankful we have family who love us. Hope you enjoyed your holidays and if any of you are having a tough time transitioning back into 'normal' life (whatever that is), don't forget that the best Father ever, our Lord has it all in his hands. I am reminding myself now that even though I have not gotten around to writing out my goals/tasks for this next year, God already has everyday of this year planned and it is more important for me to spend time asking Him what should be on my list, than making it up as I go along!