ABC's of Character-Building: B is for BOLD

(See our Introduction to Character-Building for the story behind these great A - Z lessons!!)

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” -- Hebrews 4:16

Everyone wants to raise children who can face life boldly and confidently. It’s such a shame when a child’s lack of confidence leads him or her pass up new experiences, or retreat into timid solitude. As mothers, when we see that happen, how greatly our hearts are distressed! But there’s also such a thing as over-confidence in children. A recent Wall Street Journal article about college graduates reported that many of them display a swaggering bravado in job interviews that alienates their would-be hirers.

The answer is to help our kids acquire a boldness that is based, not on their own capability, but on the reliability of our heavenly Father. This of course is not self-confidence, but God-confidence. And you can start cultivating this kind of boldness in your children today.

Years ago, I was with a group of women at my friend Carol’s house when one of her small children entered the room. When Carol saw him, her face lit up pleasantly and her focus left the rest of us completely. “What is it, buddy?” she asked, in a tone that contained a happy chuckle. But her real message was contained in her gaze. It said plainly, without words: “I love you, and I enjoy you.” Watching that brief interchange, I resolved on the spot that when I had kids, I’d try to have that open, inviting relationship with them.

When our children are tiny infants, they search our faces, looking for any glint of response that will embolden them to flash us their first adorable, flirty, toothless smiles. We go after those baby grins recklessly, don’t we? With our animated gestures and squeals, we look and sound like fools in the process! Yet just a little while later, deep in the business of motherhood, we can forget the importance of those face-to-face connections.
We are reckless in a different way, as we deliberately use our eye contact to convey other messages:
“Don’t bother me.”
“You are a chore to me.”
“I don’t want to be your mom right now.”
Such looks of detachment or disapproval can quench a child’s boldness. They may deeply affect how a child approaches the world – and God.

Of course, we can’t always be in love with our kids’ actions and attitudes. There are times when we will lose our composure, and watch out! Suddenly, the cozy-comfy mother hen becomes the Wicked Witch of the Nest! But when we consciously determine to make eye contact with our kids in an open and loving way, many times a day, we build moments of positive connection that form a safety net of security around our little ones’ feelings. They feel reassured of our love, so they no longer need to hijack our attention in outrageous ways. So, how can we consistently reflect God’s steadfast love? How can we mirror His constant readiness to show mercy and grace? Before we seek to model our Father’s love to our children., we need to feel utterly confident of it ourselves.

These are difficult times for many of us financially. Have you let your worries and cares intrude on your mothering opportunities today? If so, I have three words for you: go to God. Make an actual, written-out list of all your cares, and then cast them on Him, as we are urged to do in 1 Peter 5:7. When you leave your problems at the foot of His throne, they can’t distract you from the sweetness of your time with your children. Or maybe you are feeling as though your children are your problems. If you continually feel annoyed, grieved or wounded by your child’s behavior, again I have three words for you: go to God. He will comfort you and lift you up. He will give you clear action steps through His Word that will help you meet your mothering challenges His way, and live in victory, not victimization. You will find purpose and contentment in Him alone, so that you never have to seek them from your children.

We role-model confidence when we ourselves are confident, not in our own strength, but in God’s power to take us beyond our own deficiencies and give us “grace to help in time of need.” To depend on God’s love and live in it fully is the surest way to develop boldness of character in our kids. There will be plenty of times ahead when we will need to appeal to Him in the midst of our mothering. We will wear a new path to the throne room for each of the children God gives us, as we come to Him often for His mercy, and His grace.And because Jesus paved the way by laying down His life for us, God always greets us with arms open wide! He has demonstrated foolish recklessness in his quest to bring us to Himself. We can always get His focused attention. As we boldly enter His throne room via prayer, He always greets us with a welcoming gaze that says, “I love you, and I enjoy you.”

Let’s give that same look to our kids today.