This picture describes so well of how I've been feeling lately as I have transitioned into my third trimester. I'm down 30 weeks- only 10 more to go. But the truth is, I don't know if I can stand 10 more weeks of discomfort, forgetfulness, the mood swings, etc. (You know how it goes.)
There are days where I feel overwhelmed- wondering if I can handle being a mother of four. How in the world am I going to pull that off and on top of that do it well? And there are days where I feel excited as I look forward to meeting this baby. It's so fun to find out how God unfolds the personality of this new child as each of them are so different. And there are definitely days where I watch my three children play and laugh together which bring me many indescribable joys and fulfillment.
In many ways, even through the ups and downs of it, motherhood is, I'd have to say such a blessing. Children really are a blessing from the Lord and even through the hard times, we must embrace this reality. I must embrace this truth.
I find the hardest challenge for me to really get over is to let go. Sometimes it's so easy to get sucked up in the mode of being in control, where most of the things you do especially with taking care of little ones is just that... But there are times it's hard to let go when it comes to fully trusting God and finding peace in knowing that God is in charge of my children and not me. It's foolish- I know. But I overly worry about the safety of the kids, their future, etc. The list cannot be all listed here. I realize though, this takes practice. Because in the end, God is in control whether I "let go" or not. This is more like spiritual battle for me. Do I listen to the lies of the accuser or do I choose to live a life of victory as I find the true freedom in Christ?
3 comments:
Oh yes, the anticipation of the last few weeks. And did you ever think you could manage two kids? Or even three? I think by nature we take stock and refocus and adjust - and God gives us that ability & desire to handle it and manage it - and I know that I am absolutely having to rely on Him so much more with two (and hopefully soon three) children. May it just draw you closer to Him so you can rest in His strength and He can hold you up and give you the wisdom and stamina to raise your four children to know & love Him.
Cuz really, I'm discovering (despite my Type A personality) that it's not about the peanut butter & jelly in my carpet that a neighbor might see, or the red ink on the living room walls that I just haven't gotten around to cleaning up yet - it's about helping them develop a heart for God. And that's enough on a Mom's plate! May He grant you grace and peace and comfort in the next several weeks.
Debbie-
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I really appreciate your comment :)
gina - thank you so much for being candid about your struggles to be in control. I have a hard time fully giving my kids to God, really trusting in him...but will not 'give in to the lies of the accuser' as you state. Thank you for writing this!
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