Not just Advice...

Recently I had a conversation with a friend who is a new mom. I was asking her the typical questions to find out how she and the baby were doing. How was the baby sleeping and eating, was she getting any rest..... and so on. My friend hesitated and told me that she was afraid to admit to me that she actually had been bringing the baby to bed with her for the past several months. She was frustrated and said she knew that she could not do this forever, but it was the only way she or the baby got any sleep at night. Then she immediately asked me if I thought less of her as a parent and mother. She said another mom had suggested that if she told other moms that the baby slept in her bed, they would think less of her as a parent.

I told her honestly that I did not think less of her as a parent and could understand how she got in the habit of bring the baby into her bed, in order to get some sleep. She truly seemed relieved as though she had expected me to lecture her and give her advice on how to get the baby out of her bed. (Not that I don't have a strong point of view about this and maybe some helpful advice if she wanted it). But what she needed was support and encouragement....not judgement.

Being a mom is challenging enough without being judged by other moms. As mothers we want to share our experience and advice in an effort to help other moms and their kids. It is natural to talk with, and reach out to other moms. We need to be connected so we can support and encourage each other. The problem is that too often we are so free with our "advice" that rather than being encouraging or helpful it becomes critical or judgmental. This leaves the mom who is the recipient of such "advice" feeling frustrated and isolated. I am sure that I have been guilty of this before. Now, I really make an effort to guard my tongue, to listen, to ask what I can do and to ask if a mom wants any suggestions, before opening my mouth and telling her all the things that worked for my child or that I have read.

Sharing useful tips with other moms can be very helpful, if we are careful and compassionate about how we do this. As a mother, there are many times that I am unsure of myself or may need advice, but with so many parenting resources advice is not usually hard to find. Understanding, encouragement and support, however, are typically harder to find.

We hope that mominspirations is able to bring you encouragement, support and inspiration - not just advice!! So please let us know if we are doing that and how we can do a better job!