Letting Go

As mothers, some of us excitedly anticipate the day when our children head off to nursery school, daycare or preschool. We have their clothes picked out, their tiny little backpack is filled with anything they might possible need and we have taken twenty photos before even getting into the car. Imagine it, time to ourselves to get things done and maybe even relax, and time for our child to grow, learn, make friends and have new experiences. It is a win win situation, right? Well, it is not always that easy....especially depending on the mom.....and the child.
I talked to a friend this morning who just left her daughter at nursery school for the second time this week. She and her daughter had both been excited for her first day of school. However, after the teacher had to pry her little beauty from her arms and she yelled and cried for her mother, the excitement definitely disappeared. Since her little girl did not calm down, she was eventually called back by the teachers to come and bring her home. Thus, rather then excitement, the mood was more one of fear and trepidation when she dropped her off this morning. Again her little girl cried and told mommy that she did not want to go to school...but she did leave her. My friend admitted that she cried a bit this morning after leaving her daughter, but knew that she needed to leave her because she was very attached to mom and needed to learn how to be without her mom sometimes.
It can be hard to force our children to do things that they don't want to, especially when it makes them unhappy and they are crying for us, even though it is for their own good. Personally, leaving my children in someone else's care is one of the hardest things for me to do. Even though my daughter loves to go play with friends and usually runs into the church nursery saying 'Bye Bye Mama' as she hugs the other kids, I still tend to worry when she is out of my sight. What is she doing, is she behaving, is she happy, is she sad, what is she eating, is she saying or doing something new that I missed. I have started not to worry as much anymore, as I see that she is happy, well adjusted and well cared for. It is still hard to fight against my 'mothers heart' sometimes. So when that happens I remind myself that my children are a gift from God, that they are not not mine and that they are in His hands (even when they are with me). It is then that I realize that really loving my children means letting go when it is time to let go. My children are still so young that I have not had to leave them at school.... yet. So I am preparing even now as I let them go in small ways, with their Dad on an outing, for a playdate at the neighbor's or in the church nursery. Surprisingly I find that I am starting to enjoy seeing my 2 year old flourish in her independence without mommy and make friends with so many other children and adults. I am thankful that God is continually and gradually teaching me to let go. I am sure I will have to learn this lesson over and over throughout the years.