I work part time from home for about 5-10 hours a week, which is perfect for me as a stay-at-home mom to a one-year old. However, due to a big project that needed completion, I had to spend some time in the office last week. My boss is kind enough to allow me to bring my daughter with me to the office if I need to, but it was really hard for me. Of course, I thought I needed to spend a certain number of hours in the office, but I ended up needing much more time than I budgeted for. I packed numerous snacks (those really help my baby stay quiet) and quiet toys, but I still had trouble. My daughter loves to wander around and move. Sure, there are times when she sits very quietly reading books for a long time, but even then she usually moves and changes where she's sitting, or takes a break to run across the room and get a different book. Needless to say, she didn't appreciate being stuck in her stroller for 2+ hours, even though she had lots of snacks and toys. She started by saying "down" over and over, to which I soothingly explained to her that she had to stay in her chair at the moment so that Mommy could finish working. Then she started with the whining, which quickly escalated to whiny-cries, (the ones that really pierce your heart but get under your skin at the same time). Usually at this point, I would give her more snacks to appease her, but then the cycle would begin again. After about two hours of this, I was getting very frustrated. I started praying that God would give her patience, but was also thinking, "Why can't she ever sit still and play well?!" Just then, something popped into my head that I had heard during a parenting seminar.
A few weeks ago I heard a woman speak on parenting at a MOPS meeting. There was one thing she said that stood out in my mind. She said, "You need to expect your children to act like children." I can't have expectations that my baby is going to act like anyone other than a baby. She has no understanding of "work" or why she would have to sit still for a few hours so that I can finish working. If I have unrealistic expectations that my child who hardly ever sits still will wait patiently and play quietly while I am working, then of course I am going to be frustrated when she doesn't fulfill my expectations. After reflecting briefly on this, I took my daughter out of her stroller and took her for a little walk in the office to visit other co-workers (who love seeing her) and then held her a little before putting her back in the stroller (with a fresh supply of snacks). I was still wiped out from working and entertaining my baby simultaneously, but I felt so much better when I wasn't frustrated with her. I need to always remember that at whatever age she is, I should expect her to act that age, and love and appreciate the age that she is!
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3 comments:
Caitlin, thanks for writing about this. I think many mothers find themselves expecting too much from their kids at times. I know I do. When I went away for the weekend recently and left my 2 year home with daddy....first time for that long, I told him my most important advice was - Remember she is only 2, she will act like she is 2, at times she will not listen and she will get into things, she will get frustrated and she does NEED you! I have been reminding myself of this, especially as she grows and can do more and does behave well a lot of the time.... I still cannot expect perfect behavior, self control or quiet!
Thank you for this reminder. It's so important that we remember our children ARE children and ARE going to act that way! I try and tell myself that during the day when I am frustrated..."he's only 19 months old!". UGH! It's hard at times though...
Thanks for the encouragement!
...that's right. It helps to take it less personally when they're not 'good' for you. Balancing reasonable expectations that feed growth and cooperation, with the reality of their age is something I'm always on the hunt for. Whether it's chores, or mommy's meeting, or straightening their rooms. You're doing a great job Caitlin!
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